I lied to you that Friday. I wanted a coffee but not only that. I actually wanted it all. And I had the coffee, sure… but nothing else. An affectionate conversation between strangers, without kisses nor caresses. How striking it was to see you being so cold to me. Maybe you just treated me as a friend, something that I was not used to. I understood at that point that maybe that was what just what you wanted me to be, something impossible when that friendship did not even exist.

I could remember every single moment of the first day, every single second down to the last detail… As well as I could remember every corner of your body, every smile… And that Friday I became a stranger to you. I went home thinking that maybe you would surprise me with another date so we could have a brand new start. How creative our mind can be!

You forgot about me, or at least your forgot the positive things so the balance unbalanced. Full stop.

What I did not expect was that you would text me again a few months later. That coldness from that Friday had become gentler and you could read between the lines and see there was a rapprochement. That was the moment when I tried to go through all those memories. They had to be there, forgotten. I went through them again and again and I did find lots of things: affection, a lot of affection, but that friendship did not exist… nor love.

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Affirmative psychologist specialized in Anxiety and Emotional Regulation.

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