I left my phone on the table next to the laptop and went to the bathroom. I consciously didn’t know it was gonna happen, but I wanted it to happen. I needed to get rid of that pressure, that anxiety that tormented my head. Everything I always criticized, all of it, I was the one doing it now.

Why  the betrayal if I already knew that the end was near? Why not closing up a story before opening another one? Why hurting both of us?

Because one of us should be the culprit. Because I had to make it easy for him. Months, many months in which the basics, the respect, had disappeared. Months in which the word complicity sought its meaning outside home. Months in which nothing made sense between the two of us. Maybe it was more than months.

I left the phone and it took him seconds to open it and check whatsapps where something disguised as love appeared. Messages where the image of me that I had created was destroyed.  Perfect words to find the culprit and make him carry the full cross, excuses to locate all the reasons why It didn’t work so far.

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Affirmative psychologist specialized in Anxiety and Emotional Regulation.

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